Accepting God's Plan

Monday was a full, full day in the Groom household. Sometimes I am amazed at the pace we keep here. No wonder I often crash hard in the evenings. In the morning we made the hour plus treck out to Children's for Emma's 6 monthe checkup which I think was technically more than 6 months. (I am always amazed that it feels like we have just been there yet, another 6 months have passed.

It was not our regular clinic day becaus a few days earlier the hospital had called and asked us to come a day early due to a surgery that her surgeon had to do on Tuesday. Tuesday in ortho at Children's is always the spine clinic. I'm not sure what Monday is, but it was packed! We had to wait 20 minutes to check in! I was thankful for the Disney movie that was playing the X-ray waiting room because on this particular day I had to take Karys and Naomi with us. I had packed school work to do with them but it was so busy that there was no where to work.

Eventually, we got out of X-ray into the other waiting room and in to see Emma's surgeon. He asked a few questions about Emma's physical activies, any changes and how she was feeling in general. She has been well and has been do lyrical dance (She won a year of lessons with a great essay she wrote!), joined the school dragon boat team, and started Taekwondo with the other kids in January! On a good note, her prior fusion "looks great", and the other area of previous concern remains stable and has not changed since last time. Her upper curve has increase almost 10 degrees to 75 degrees and her lower curve is now 53 degrees. She also has a small curve near the very top going the opposite way of the 75 degree one. A true S! Anyhow, her surgeon noted that 10 degrees in 6 months is quite significant which I knew though this increase was not unexpected as he did say that she would get worse as she grew. She has only grown 1/2 cm since last visit but most of her growth has shown in her curvature. He told us that normally at once someone gets to 50 degrees they begin to look at surgical options for straightening but because of her S they feel that if they striaghten out the worst of her curve near the top that she will appear much more crooked than she does now. This would make her X-ray look straight but her body look more crooked. Right now the 3 curvatures are compensating for each other which makes her appear to the eye less crooked than she is. So, her Dr. feels that now we are looking less at straightening her out in the future and more at prohibiting the the curves from getting worse. If, when we go back in 6 months she has increased in curvature another significant amout they will have to intervene and do surgery to prevent her from getting any worse. They are concerned about her lung capacity and will perform a lung capacity test at that time to make sure her curvature is not affecting her breathing. In the mean time he said to watch for any noticable shortness of breath etc. Emma's Dr., who we love, was kind to fill out Emma's papers for her therepeudic riding so she can begin that in the summer. We will see him again in 6 months.

If you have been following Emma's blog for some time, you will know that we (including the Dr.) were optimistic that Emma could be straightened out quite significantly at some point when she stopped growing. The news we got this visit seems as though that is no longer the road to be taken. Emma didn't seem to mind the news but I on the other hand feel sad for her. As a mom, I want what is best for her. I want her to have the opportunity to live in a straight body, to grow taller, to carry babies without pain, to be able to live a full life. I found this, probably one of the hardest visits at Children's. I know I have to let go of those plans I have for her and embace the one that God has for her.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11